When in Rome, do as the Romans do. This saying, whose origin is typically attributed to Bishop Ambrose, suggests we follow the customs of local residents.
In our recent Global Conversations gathering at Duke University, we talked a bit about different types of greetings.
Imagine you are in Milan. How might you greet a Milanese friend?
By exchanging kisses to each other’s cheeks, said an Italian participant in our conversation. So, visitors who don’t air kiss Milanese friends might seem unfriendly by local standards.
Intercultural norms
Are you from somewhere where greetings often involve air kissing someone’s cheeks? And what would norms there look like for shaking someone’s hand?
Another participant in our conversation remembered offering to shake hands with a young man on the University of Wisconsin’s Milwaukee campus. It seemed appropriate in her role as a volunteer there. But he chose not to shake her hand.
Why? He was honoring his Pakistani cultural tradition ~ of not making physical contact with a woman outside his circle of family or close friends. The volunteer knew enough about intercultural customs to not take his reaction personally. In her culture, such contact would be fine in a major city, but less acceptable in a rural setting.
Choices
How can I stop someone from hugging me? That’s a question I’ve frequently been asked by international students and scholars.
What would you suggest?
While it sometimes feels fine to do as the Romans do, it might feel inappropriate or challenging at other times. Thankfully, we can often choose the style of our interactions with others. If you don’t want someone to hug you, it often works to extend your hand for a handshake, creating some separation between you and the potential hugger.
Happy intercultural adventures!
Rene
Rene D. Caputo, Duke ESL Specialist
Thompson Writing Program
Ways to meet new people and enjoy free time here. And safety issues locally. You’ll find links below to the many events and resources we talked about as well as a handful more.
Through April 25, our International Conversation Café continues. Recent topics raised by participants include favorite local restaurants, Middle East politics, and Amazon’s issues with worker hiring & safety. Join us at 12:30 Thursdays for lively conversation and a midday snack. Room 248 Brodhead Center, West. (photo by Rene D. Caputo)
including with New Year’s traditions around the world. Of smashing plates in Denmark, splashing water on other people in Thailand, and the more solemn Indonesian tradition of observing a day of silence, for instance.
Every year, amidst carnival rides, craft demos, and other activities, there’s one competition at our state fair for the biggest watermelon. And another for the biggest pumpkin. One of our International Conversation Café participants went to the NC State Fair last October. And at our Thursday gathering, he told us about the huge pumpkin he saw there.
Duke ESL News 